shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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