TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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