Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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