i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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