I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
