Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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