What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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