I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
