Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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