Just cropdusted the office
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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