she looked like the before picture.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
