oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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