Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
