So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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