peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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