I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
