I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
