Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
