please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
