I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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