My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
