my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
