But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
