something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
