The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
