but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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