there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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