how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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