took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
