yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
