You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
