Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
