This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she peed on how many people?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
