I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
