ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
