giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
