Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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