oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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