I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
