what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
