It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
