And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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