Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
