They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
