It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
