My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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