Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
