so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
