the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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