We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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