i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
